Sunday, October 2, 2011

Fairy Tales

Pictures from the upcoming film "Snow White and the Huntsman" have raised some eyebrows because they include large-scale battle scenes. What other changes can you expect in upcoming big-screen adaptations of fairy tales?

1) Cinderella to be woken not by a kiss from a prince, but by a totally-slammin' serving of Red Bull given to her by X-Games champion Shaun White.

2) Through magic of digital editing, all Seven Dwarves will be played by Snooki.

3) In a new, thrilling ending, Rapunzel blows up the tower that once held her. In final shot, she walks away from explosion in slow motion and doesn't look back.

4) Tale of Rumpelstiltskin periodically interrupted by commercials for gold exchange featuring Glenn Beck.

5) Hansel and Gretel re-imagined as pair of brother-sister assassins. To find their way home, they leave a trail ... OF CARNAGE!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Coining a phrase

Last night, a friend and I were walking out of a bar when we passed a group of hipsters waiting to be seated. I haven't seen that many ironic T-shirts and thick-framed glasses since the last time I visited Brooklyn.

As we walked away, my friend and I discussed what a group of hipsters would be called. A flock? A gaggle? A murder?

I decided that this was a question that could only be answered by the collective wisdom of The Internet.

A few suggestions of mine are listed below ... feel free to chime in with votes or suggestions.

1) A porkpie of hipsters.

2) A Pitchfork of hipsters.

3) A trust fund of hipsters.

4) A Nader of hipsters.

5) A Gladwell of hipsters.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Get Irrational Kingdom on your Newfangled Reading Machine!

Irrational Kingdom is now available via subscription on your Kindle. It's cheap (less than $2 a month) and fun. Please click here to subscribe.

Friday, September 16, 2011

More Palin Revelations

Author Joe McGinnis recently made headlines with some of the revelations from his upcoming book on Sarah Palin — that she allegedly did cocaine, cheated on her husband and had a one-night stand with a future NBA star. However, those are only some of the details from the upcoming blockbuster. What are the most shocking facts revealed about Palin?

1) Earned her nickname "Sarah Barracuda" not through her tenacious play on the basketball court but by her fang-like teeth, large swim bladder and two dorsal fins.

2) Quit as governor of Alaska when she realized how fucking cold it gets there during the winter.

3) Ended all successful political campaigns by eating her opponent's heart so she could gain their courage.

4) During absences as governor while on McCain presidential campaign, left bingo-playing chicken in charge of state business.

5) Rider for all speeches includes bowl of M&Ms with chocolate removed.

6) Was almost Vice-President of the United States.